I think I might not believe in God, and that makes me sad.
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And in those words are tied the angst that informs so much of our lives and our decisions.
I find myself still talking to him and doubting if I’m an atheist…albeit an atheist obsessed with God.
Yet, not afraid of death, not afraid of ‘eternal punishment’ of any kind…and his followers are sure a odd lot.
Why’s that?
I think there are so many positive things that come from accepting atheism or agnosticism. Intellectual honesty is a huge one. Finally you can simply say, “I don’t know, and you don’t know either”. And that’s honesty.
Although I find myself still talking to god and doubting if I’m an atheist just like angrymormonliberal said above. I’ve had a lot of little nice spiritual experiences that could pretty easily be explained by science but one spiritual experience was very profound for me. It was too big for me to ever dismiss just like that. It may keep me in agnosticism indefinitly but I keep thinking to myself, what about 99.9999% of the people in this world that didn’t have that strong experience like I did. How are they supposed to believe? And I don’t want to have special rights over my brothers and sisters in this world.
Another great thing about embracing doubt and uncertainty is the relief from Cognitive Dissonance that anyone religious must go through on a day-to-day basis. Leaving organized religion and embracing science gives you a great feeling of relief and elation. I can’t tell you how wonderful (for me) it is to be able to learn about human evolution and simply accept it wholly and also to be able to accept what that means to me in the big picture. I don’t have to be anti-science anymore, I don’t have to accept the evil selfish homophobic killer of a god of the bible.
I still have a space in my heart for a loving, extra-biblical god, though. but he hasn’t been answering my prayers lately. But I’ll hang on to that experience I had until I die. That mystical experience you were looking for? I had it. seriously, big time. but what does that mean if the vast majority of people don’t experience one? Who knows, it’s probably just psychological or biological. think about it: even if you do have some kind of experience tonight or tomorrow you still gotta admit it could be a chemical imbalance or hypnagogic or hypnopompic hallucinations or many other explanations. It’s time to embrace uncertainty and take advantage of this life that we have right now with the loved ones we have.
“As man is, so is his God, and thus is God, oft strangely odd”
-Goethe-
Perhaps some of our sadness with our impending atheism is due to how tied up our idea of God is with our conception of ourselves… indeed God could be considered the philosophical construct of the ideal form for the human. It’s like losing an ideal form of oneself.
atheism or agnosticism as an emotional reaction of apathetic belief, is weak disbelief and can be called merely a phase.
I suggest you read up, to make an intellectual decision about your beliefs:
http://www.philosophyofreligion.info
Anubys, I consider myself quite strong in my faith… but I have no problem saying that I don’t know. Nor do I have any issues with evolution, nor with science. I don’t feel like I have any cognitive dissonance.
I think, for me at least, the cognitive dissonance would come from saying that there was no God when I have had such strong spiritual experiences.
Why do different people have different spiritual experiences? For the same reason that we all have different experiences on a daily basis. Even if you and I did the exact same thing the exact same way, we would react to it, remember it, and come away with totally different impressions of it. We’re different people, so we all experience life differently. It wouldn’t make sense for God to give everyone cookie cutter spirituality because we’re not cookies.
Why do some people not have the spiritual experiences? I’m not sure. Maybe it’s a talent or a gift that some people get. I can’t draw worth a crap, but Kullervo is quite talented (and don’t listen to him argue about it, either!).
You all seem to be very interesting people. This type of introspection is comendable. For now, I would just like to add that letting go of god does not necessarily equate to losing anyhting. After all, you can’t lose what was never there; if you were under the impression 2+2=5, and you came to realize that the answer was 4, your did not lose anything, you did not lose the answer 5 as it was never the answer to begin with. You’ve merely improved your understanding of the world around you.
Also, saying lack of belief is a phase is quite unintellectual, making it rather ironic to suggest an intellectual approach to investigating religious questions, especially in light of your aparent preconception. A great deal of disbelief is rationally supported, which would be quite aparent should you take the time to look into people’s reasons for denying the claims of theism, ask questions of those who do, or simply read what others have written here.
Yours In Reason,
Nevyn
Why does this make you said? Can you tell us more?
I second the other commenters. What about this makes you sad?
Since you’ve been looking around my website, I have another essay, “Into the Clear Air“, that you may find relevant to your situation.
I would have to agree with katyjane.
It just does. It’s an emotional thing; it doesn’t have to be reasonable.
Do you have trouble articulating your emotions about other things or just this? Emotions can be, and often are, quite reasonable by the by.
For myself, part of the issue is the nature of Mormonism. It’s more than leaving a religion. It’s more like giving up an ethnic identity.
Humans are small herd animals, evolutionarily dependent on the group for survival. Our tribe, Kullervo and other Mormons like us, is different from the tribe you grew up with. Removing oneself from this evolutionary bind is possible, but it’s difficult. Indeed many people who leave the LDS church move on to evangelical traditions. Take a look at the Recovery from Mormonism forum to get an idea as to how atheists/agnostics deal with it.
To me, getting out is like losing a part of myself. In a very real sense it’s like dying a little, because so much of ones identity is tied up in the organization. Think of it like …oh… becoming French when your an American. New vocabulary, new patterns of behavior, a new way of living
Nevyn, I don’t need a psychologist, okay?
Why wouldn’t it make you sad? It’s been part of who you are for 20some years. Your faith has been a comfort and solace and structure and hope. It *is* a loss and we grieve when we lose things…
I read this quote recently and it made me think of this blog (and I am so not into throwing quotes and platitudes at people to make them feel better, so know that is not my intention)… Now I know you are in a place of feeling that maybe you do not believe in God… but should you later think differently maybe this will be a comfort. I know it is a comfort to me.
“Those who believe they believe in God, but without passion in the heart, without anguish of mind, without uncertainty, without doubt, and even at times without despair, believe only in the idea of God, and not in God himself.” — Miguel de Unamuno.
Whatever you choose to believe I know you will do so with this passion in the heart. And, if a belief in God is included on your journey in the future, yours will be the real deal.
I’m a philosopher, actually. Though I do focus on philosophy of mind. But either way, you brought up the issue. If you don’t want comments or questions on what you post, I’ve misunderstood your intentions.
Best,
N
Now you’re putting words in my mouth. Please, either stop, or take it somewhere else. I enjoy comments and such, but only when they are useful. This is a forum of sorts, but it is certainly not a public forum. I have absolutely no qualms about blocking people who pester and annoy.
Kullervo, belief or disbelief in deity from what I gather is subjective, personal, and there is no way it can be explained reasonably a lot of times. For instance now that my wife and I believe different things about religion and G-d we cannot have a ‘reasonable’ conversation about these topics like we did when I was a TBM. Using the term ‘reasonable’ in regards to faith to me doesn’t work. Hope that makes sense.