I’ve mulled it over quite a bit, and decided not to write a letter to my family explaining my reasons for leaving the Mormon church.  In the end, I don’t think it will be well-received.  I think most people will perceive it as an attack, not as the frank, open icebreaker that I intend it to be.

I’m still going to have my name removed.  I also want to at least tell my parents first.  I don’t think they’re going to take it well, and I guess I can’t blame them.  It’s a tricky business.

Anyway, I wrote a couple of drafts of my letter to family, both in my head and on paper, and I wasn’t really satisfied with any of them.

So, I’m probably going to have my name removed from the LDS Church’s records, i.e., formally resign from Mormonism.   I’m not ready to do it quite yet, because I have to write a letter first.  Not the letter to the Church, but a letter to my family, explaining why I do not think the Church is true, and why I am resigning.

What I am not trying to do with this letter is convince anyone that I’m right.  I’m also not expecting anyone to agree with me, or even think that my position is reasonable, defensible, or plausible.  While it would be great if that happened, experience tells me that most Mormons are so fully inoculated against “Anti-Mormonism!!!” that it will essentially go in one ear and out the other (or in the eye and out the ears, or out the whatever).  If someone surprises me, I’ll be, well, pleasantly surprised.  But I’m not going in with optimistic expectations- so far, my family’s reaction to me leaving the Church has been really mixed.  Some people have been understanding and supportive, and some people have reacted with hostility.  I don’t want to get disappointed, so my expectations are kind of low.

That said, I do have some expectations, some goals that I intend to accomplish with this letter:

1. I want to break the ice.  I want to bring the subject up and indicate my willingness to talk about it.  I’m not excited about the prospect of future uncomfortable silences, or white elephants in the room, so I’m just going to be the one to start the conversation.  If people are interested in talking things through, I’m game, and I want people to know that.

2. If people just hear through the grapevine that I am planning on leaving, they’re probably going to freak out.  I’d rather control the information and be the one that tells people.

3. My family is steeped in Mormonism, and many of our relationships are based on the religion and the religion’s assumptions.  It would be naïve of me to expect that leaving the Church won’t irrevocably change things.  Again, I may as well brace for it, even if it’s uncomfortable.

4. I feel like I at least owe my family an explanation and a fair warning.

When the letter is written and sent out, I will probably post it here.

Sorry, this is kind of two posts in one.

I’ve been struggling with belief and faith lately.  My wife and I are attending an Episcopal parish, but we’re still not sure if it’s the place for us.  I am strongly attracted to the Episcopal form of worship, but the attitude and the sermons always reflect a kind of “Religion Lite.”  It seems like every sermon is about how the Gospel reading isn’t as radical as it sounds, how it doesn’t really invite you to totally change your way of life, but is just telling you to think happy thoughts and keep on living the basically good life you’re living.

I don’t feel Challenged, invited to be more like Jesus and live a radically different kind of existence.  I don’t feel like this parish is about transforming us into New People, but telling us we’re fine the way things are.  It seems a little empty.

At the same time, I’m struggling with Christianity as a whole.  Do I really believe in Jesus at all, or do I just like Christianity?  There’s a big difference between the two, and unfortunately I think I may just like Christianity.  I’m not sure what to do about it.