The simple fact is that I hunger for the Divine. I’m not content to just live a completely secular life. The further away from spirit that I am, the more dissatisfied and restless I feel. I want to touch divinity, and I feel like this stuff is more important–or at least more interesting–than almost anything else.
I grew up Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I went on a mission, I was married to my wife in the temple. I’ve held all kinds of callings, and I always did my best to keep the commandments. I’ve read the Book of Mormon at least a dozen times, and in two different languages.
To make a long story short, I spent a good chunk of 2006 trying to figure out if I really believe that the Church is true, the way members mean when they bear their testimony in sacrament meeting. In the end, I came to the conclusion, at least for now, that I think it is not true. It wasn’t something I decided lightly or casually. This is a serious change that has had a big impact on my life: I grew up a Mormon, and that has defined so much of my identity and culture, even when I was a rebellious teenager. To break with something that is such a huge part of who I am is… a big deal.
Leaving the Mormon faith, though, means trying to figure out what I actually believe. Do I believe in God? Am I a Christian? Do I want to be? Does that matter? Do I believe in the Bible, and what does it even mean “to believe in the Bible?” If the meaning of life isn’t what I’ve always assumed it was, easily summed up in six missionary discussions, then what is the meaning of life, and how do I figure it out? What do I do with spiritual feelings that I have that have absolutely nothing to do with Christianity?
How can I find answers to these questions? Do answers to these questions even exist? How much can I really know, and how much do I simply have to decide to believe?
I grapple with these questions every day, and I’ve decided to keep a record, to write down my thoughts as I work through them. You’re welcome to read what I’ve written, and even to comment. But in the end, please keep in mind that this blog isn’t for you; it’s for me.
If you’d like to get caught up in where my spiritual journey has taken me so far, check out the links on this page. If you’re a Mormon, an ex-Momron, a close friend, a family member, or anyone else who is curious for more details about about why I have left Mormonism, I have collected links to those posts on this page.
A Note On Moderation Policy: I love feedback and comments–I am putting this stuff out there as a way to talk to people about what I really want to talk about. At the same time, an open comment box means I’m inevitably going to get spam, drive-by proselytization, and people who want to argumentatively impose their agendas on the discussion. I intend to moderate comments with a really light hand, and I think multiple points of view are useful in this kind of discussion, so for the most part I moderate based more on how peple say what they say than the substance of the comment. But it is important for me to make it clear that at the end of the day this isn’t a public space; it’s my blog. If you insist on being an asshole, I will not hesitate to show you the virtual door.
