So, yesterday and today I’ve been pondering Druidry. And reading about it. I have some different things running through my head.
First, when I was a teenager and interested in such things, there was a time when I felt a connection ot the natural world. This wasn’t just a matter of liking nature, but I actually felt like the personified Wild, the world, whatever, had somehow singled me out for some kind of special connection. It’s hard to explain, because it originally came out of the context of general occulty-goofing-around, but it was a sense that stayed with me long after I left the occult behind.
When I got serious about Mormonism and went on my mission, I just kind of locked all of that up in a cognitive closet soemwhere.
Furthermore, I haven’t spent much time in the woods or in the outdoors, in a decade. I’ve lived in apartments and gone to universities and lived in large metro areas and I’ve been to busy to go out into the woods and just feel the wild places and the energy there.
Yesterday I became acutely aware of missing something because of that. Partially because of that, and partially just because of the pretty snowfall, my wife and I packed up the baby and drove to Rock Creek Park, where we lit out into the woods and had a great time, and got cold and tired. It was nice.
I didn’t have a mystical experience with nature, but I wasn’t really expecting to. I feel like I’ve been a stranger to the natural world for too long, and I hardly expect to walk back outside and have it embrace me with mind-blowing spiritual experiences. If that kind of thing even exists. Plus, as much fun as it was being out there with my family, we were there for fun and to spend time together, not necessarily to commune or anything.
However, I am now resolved to go out of my way to get out into the trees more often. And I’m resolved to do it in a serious and meditative way as well as a recreational way, on my own as well as with my family. Unless of course I just change my mind again, like I do with religion every other damn day.
With nature and Druidry on my mind, I came back home and did some internet research. If I had the internet as a teenager, I’m sure I would have joined some Druid group a long time ago. I just didn’t know where to look, so I was trying to reconstruct Druidry on my own with my limited resources and limited knowledge, which meant that I didn’t really get anywhere. But now, I have options, and that intrigues me.
I am not necessarily interested in things Celtic per se, which might raise the question “Why bother with Druidry then? That makes no sense.” But it seems that there are takes on Druidry that see it as a reflection of Indo-European indigenous religion in general, and that wakes me up and makes me take notice. That hits something primal and fundamental inside me that hasn’t been hit in a long time, not since I was stoked about Joseph Campbell way back in the day. I don’t know why.
That modern revivalist take on Druidry allows for the connection to Norse myth that I feel a desire for, while having an ethic and philosophy that I am more comfortable with than the philosophy of Asatru.
So, I’m idly thinking about taking a Druidry correspondence course, like the one that AODA has.
Of course, now I struggle with my religious morning-after problem. What seemed cool and interesting and compelling one day seems just dumb and embarrassing the next day. I don’t know what to do about that. It seems to kick in no matter what religion or church or flavor of spirituality that I am interested in. Also, I just may be too chicken to abandon Jesus.
Sailing to Byzantium 
Well, one day you’re mad at God, and the next your talking about a pre-Christian priest (Druid) among the Celts of ancient Gaul and Britain and Ireland that didn’t even know about God. Funny think is, I relate to that general feeling that you seem to be venting. Of course, its a big generalization. Maybe too big. Its just the whole idea of NOT KNOWING.
I well remember the day when I decided that God left something out of me. He gave it to everyone else, but He left it out of me. That sent me into a depression that I didn’t get over for many, many years. What did He leave me without? The natural ability to follow His commands. I could plainly see, I thought, that everyone else in my church was doing that. I could do it for awhile, but I would always fall, become inactive, wane for some time, get interested again, and repeat the cycle. The one thing I could not even consider was partial obedience–it was all or none. It was maddening.
I don’t know if anyone who hasn’t felt that can truly understand what it is like to believe that God, for whatever reason, treated you differently. It is truly depressing. He didn’t really love me like He loved everyone else. I began a struggle that lasted for a very long time, and culminated in me insisting that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints excommunicate me.
Since that time I have come to be contented and happy in the knowledge that God does love me. He has clearly protected me in times of danger; healed me in a time of serious disease (twice); answered prayer and given me a very good life that I don’t deserve. What He has done for me in the 17 years that I have been what I often refer to as a “mainline” Christian makes the 20-odd years I was a Mormon look weak and ineffective.
But Druidism? No way.
Kullervo, you’re obviously going through a really really crazy time. It sounds like on some days you’re following your gut and feeling strong emotions about where your religious path should go, and on other days you’re feeling sceptical and analytical about just about everything, and all your feelings from the previous days seem “dumb”.
Please don’t let your mind decide your religion. There is no system of belief — religious or scientific — that will stand up to a rigerous analytical breakdown. Every theory that humankind has ever proposed to explain the universe falls apart and looks ridiculous somewhere. Every theory, every religion is “dumb”. This includes Mormonism, Druidism, and quantum mechanics.
Choose whichever one you want. Mix and match, if you have to. Regardless of what you pick, Spirit will use it to speak to you. Maybe you’ll be like Gene, who found he couldn’t talk to God in Mormonism. (I have plenty of friends who can, though.) But maybe a Baptist congregation is just what you need. Maybe you’ll find Spirit under the trees, and end up a Druid. Maybe you’ll find peace in Buddist meditation.
Pick a religion and TRY it. Set aside your doubts and feel your way forward; try a religion and see how it feels. Spirit doesn’t care about logical consistency. It responds to, and communicates with, your heart, not your mind. Reach out with your heart, and Spirit will meet you halfway.
The religion is just the medium.
Jeff–you just put into words something that I have felt for a long while. Thanks. 😀
I believe that religion has to be amenable to reason, but if it’s *just* reason then it’s not religion, it’s just a pretty set of ideas. It has to speak to the heart and soul.
The only thing I would add to Jeff’s comment above is this – give it time. You’ve got the rest of your life to figure as much of it out as you are given, and most people never have a “road to Damascus” moment. I’ve been following the current permutation of my path for about five years now, and it’s just in the last few months that I’ve really started to *think* and react more Hellenic-ly, and process the world from a truly instinctively polytheistic perspective.
In another post you mentioned AODA – I’m not a member of that group (at this point), but I’ve corresponded with their Archdruid for several years via our mutual memberships in ADF and OBOD, and I have a hell of a lot of respect for him… his recent book “The Druidry Handbook” is available in bookstores and covers most of the first year’s training, according to the introduction. Might be worth looking at it to get a solid feel for what modern Druidry actually teaches.
Erik
PS – I have a new blog! http://executivepagan.blogspot.com – not a lot up yet, but I have several posts in the pipeline…
[…] massive amount of thought has gone into this (you may remember that I have been toying with the idea of Druidry for an awfully long time, especially now that I have finally come to terms with my pagan identity), but despite […]