Why It Was Easy To Leave, Part Two

When I was actually confronted with serious doubt last summer, I was neither reading my scriptures nor praying meaningfully.  I also hadn’t been participating fully in the Church for several months. I was attending meetings, sure, but I wasn;t engaged in the ward, involved in the work, and if I had a calling I wasn’t doing anything about it.

This one seems obvious to most Mormons I talk to.  Duh, if you get involved in the work and stay busy, your doubts are easily dispelled.  I had similar experiences on my mission. When I wasn’t working very hard, I would have all kinds of doubts about the gospel, but when I was really thrusting in my sickle, all those doubts seemed to evaporate.  For many people, and for me at one time, that is further evidence that the Church is true: when you get involved and stay on the right track, you feel good about it, and you don’t leave.

I wasn’t involved, I wasn’t thrusting my sickle in, and so when doubts came along, I was able to give them form and power, and it enabled me to decide to leave the Church.

But see, I don’t really think that’s evidence for or against the Church.  There’s nothing sinister about it, but when you get busy, involved, and fully engaged in something, you don’t question it.  It’s not proof of truth, because it works for any organization or cause.  It works in politics- the more you are involved with one part or another, the more you are busy with the party’s issues, the more you are talking to people about the ideology’s position, the more you are sure that you are right.  It doesn’t prove truth, because it works for the Democrats as well as for the Republicans.  It works for noble organizations with lofty goals as much as it works for the Nazi party.

It’s a human equation that has nothing to do with God whatsoever.  When you get busy and fully engaged in something, your certainty is reinforced.  You don’t have time to doubt.  You’re in the middle of doing stuff, and it fulfills you.  It’s only when you step back and look at what you’re doing from a distsnce that you can objectively decide whether it’s worth doing.

You can’t really see what it looks like from the inside.   At least, you can’t see the big picture.  I believe that’swhat the phrase “can’t see the forest for the trees” is talking about.

Anyway, I don’t expect Mormons to agree with me on this one.  When our bishop came to see us last fall, this was the sticking point.  To him, if getting busy in the Church made you happy, then the Church must be true.  I simply diagree.

In any case, I was neither busy nor fully engaged when I was confronted by serious doubt, so I was vulnerable to doubt.