Maybe this is unreasonable of me, since I have no intention of going back anyway, but it actually bothers me that the missionaries haven’t showed up since my wife and I stopped going to the Mormon church. I even saw them in our building one time, and I totally expected them to at least drop by and say “hi.” I mean, we’re less-actives in their area! Don’t they have an area book or at least a ward roster that they’ve gone over with their Ward Mission Leader to see who they can visit?
The last time I heard from missionaries was in December, around Christmas. They called a couple of times trying to set up appointments. They claimed that they were new to the ward and just trying to meet all of the members in their area. I told them to cut the crap- we all knew that my wife and I hadn’t been to church in months and that was the reason they wanted to visit. The missionary on the phone played innocent and wounded, but the insincerity was tangible. That’s the one thing that really bugs me the most about the Mormon missionary program- it tends to foster really insincere behavior on the missionaries’ part.
Anyway, I told them it would probably be a waste of time for them to visit, but that I would talk to my wife and see if there was a time that would be good. I don’t think they ever called back. I was just being honest; I was a missionary myself, and I promise that it is extremely unlikely that a missionary is going to say something that would make me suddenly change my mind about the church. And their sweet spirit isn’t going to do it either since I’m 1) very suspicious about making life decisions based on warm fuzzies that someone else interprets for me and 2) I know they’re doing everything they can to cultivate that sweet spirit, and some of it is genuine, and someof it isn’t.
In any case, we would be happy to feed them and chatand whatever, but probably it wouldn;t be worth the missionaries’ time, unless they just needed ot get in some reactivation hours to report back to the mission president. Maybe I was too aggressive or forceful about it, and they wrote “wants no contact” in their area book.
In any case, it bothers me. Maybe it shouldn’t, like I said, since I really have no intention of going back to Mormonism, but to me it makes the whole missionary program seem hypocritical. Aren’t they suposed to at least be trying?
We haven’t heardfrom the bishop in months, either. Our home teachers call every now and then, but that’s it. They’re good guys, and we’re happy to have them visit. We had some friends in the ward, but they moved. Our babysitter is a new member, but that doesn’t really count.
I’m just saying, it seems for all the bluster of saving sould and perfecting the saints and whatnot, that our ward and the missionaries seem perfectly happy to let us fall between the cracks. That’s what bothers me. I don’t want to stay in the church, but it’s kindof insulting to have nobody even care when I leave.
Sailing to Byzantium 
You pretty much sound like a whining baby. Boo freaking hoo if they are not coming around to say hi. If you served a mission then you should know what being led by the spirit means and apparently since you have ” no intention of going back to mormonism”, your missionaries at the time are not being impressed to stop by your negative house. I am sure that sometime down the line you will be contacted and then you will reject them again and then it will be a while till you hear from then again. I believe that if your going to be so hard-hearted then there really is no reason for those boys to waste thier time, just like you said. It’s funny that you so willingly leave the church and are so proud of it, but when people give up on you, you die without the attention.
Whatever, Teddy.
Kullervo, you make me laugh. I really don’t know what you’re looking for. You make it perfectly clear to both the missionaries and your bishop that you really don’t want them to come over, and then you’re disappointed when they don’t return? Frankly, if I was a 19-year-old kid who got told off, I’d be reluctant to go back too. And practically speaking, their time is likely better spent visiting someone who wants to be visited. If I had to prioritize my time, I’d pick the tasks where I thought I could get the most done. It seems like you’ve effectively removed yourself from that short list. I should think you would be satisfied, rather than disappointed. Besides, with all your family members, it’s not like you don’t have any contact with the Mormon church.
Well, I imagine that since December, there are new missionaries. And I know that we have a new bishop.
And, for what it’s worth, why don’t the missionaries/bishop try to contact me? Or are they only allowed to call the man of the house?
I have more to say, but will write it later.
I can understand the angst that this post must cause the LDS readers. But I can see what you are getting at. It’s kind of like when you break up with a girlfriend and then she picks up the pieces a little too quickly and starts dating someone before you do. You have no desire to get back together with her, but you kind of wish that she’d still be mourning the loss of you. It’s an ego blow that someone can move on so quickly without you.
In this case, Kullervo has put a lot of thought and effort into a heart-wrenching decision. He’d like to see the missionaries at least fight a little bit for his soul. It hurts to have the official representatives of the church say “okay, cya! Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.” when leaving was a big deal to him.
No surprise that no one has contacted you, because neither have Racticas & I been contacted since we stopped going over 1 year ago. I don’t even have an idea who my home teacher is! I do at least know who my visiting teacher is, but we’re friends, so that’s kind of beyond the point. It is sad that all you hear while you’re Mormon is how you should contact the inactive, and when you’re inactive, nobody contacts you. Just ironic, I guess.
Oh – and in regards to Katy’s comment. I totally feel the same way. When the missionaries came over like 1 year ago, they didn’t care to talk to me at all. Only wanted to talk to Racticas. Probably it was better off that way, but it peeved me off nonetheless.
Hey Beata–I know who your home teacher is in your hometown.
Teddy, you really impress me with your loving attitude and your fellowshipping ways that might lead us back to the Church. It’s so heartening to know that there are people like you out there, so willing to try to understand the struggles that post-Mormons are going through, and to attempt to empathize with them. It really gives me hope for the future of Mormonism.
Peter–Kullervo wasn’t actually hostile with any of them. And, as said before, we have a new bishop and surely there are new missionaries. Plus, Kullervo said that he wanted to ask his wife (certainly okay, no?), and for them to call back. They never called back. I was excited to cook dinner for them–I always enjoyed feeding the missionaries. And again, even if Kullervo DID make them feel like they couldn’t help him or bring him back… why weren’t they interested in visiting with us to fellowship with me?
I don’t think that Kullervo’s issue has anything to do with not having enough Mormon contact or anyone to talk about Mormonism with. I think Dando hit it really close to right with his analogy. And I would reiterate that if you’ve grown up as a part of a group, and you leave the group and the group doesn’t seem to care… it kind of makes you feel like you weren’t a very well-liked part of the group in the first place.
I’ve been lurking here for a while following your story…
You have really struck a chord on this note though. After choosing to leave the church, I maintained friendships with a select few of my closest LDS friends. The missionaries and Home Teachers were non-existant.
Eventually, I had some friends over for a BBQ and they took it upon themselves to invite the missionaries over without telling me. Thought they’d encourage some church talk and lead me back into the church. Just as the last steak hit the grill the missionaries walk up the lawn. The conversation went like this…
Missionary 1 – “Sorry we’re late, we got into a great discussion with one of your neighbours”
Me – “Late for what?”
Missionary 1 – “The BBQ.”
Me – “Who invited you”
Missionary 1 (Look over at friend sitting on a lawn chair who immediately looks away) – “Well, Bro. X said we should come over, and that youalways have good food.”
Me – “Well, it was nice of Bro. X to invite you, but since I didn’t, and there isn’t enough food, maybe you should just go.”
Missionary 2 – “Oh, ther’ll be enough if you just cut down those steaks, everyone can have some, and we could mash the potatoes and each have half a serving of salad…”
Me – “So now you’re inviting yourselves over, telling me how to serve my guests, arriving empty handed andunconfirmed, and you expect me to welcome you? I think you should go now.”
Now, I also served a mission, and I know the value of a DA, but we always called ahead to confirm and see if we should bring something. Most members said no, a few said to bring a drink or salad. But to show up for a dinner you were invited to by someone other than the inactive member you have never met before, show up without confirming and without food, and then tell them how to serve their food is just plain wrong.
Maybe they missed the “Cultural training” at the MTC that teaches American Missionaries how to survive in Canada. In any case, I would prefer no contact to that, and luckily I have had none since, except for a few loyal friends – minus that one.
Very thought-provoking blog and comments.
I wonder if you contacted the missionaries to invite them to dinner. Hopefully the interaction would have the positive result of them getting to know you better as someone who wants to do what is best for yourself and your family, even if your choices take a different path than theirs. Maybe not to debate doctrine so much as to help both parties understand each other more clearly. Especially if they are new missionaries, it could help to clear any misunderstandings or assumptions made on both sides in response to your previous encounters. I have friends who are not of the Mormon faith who have had missionaries to dinner in every state or country they have lived. They too have no intention of joining (or in your case, returning to) the Mormon church but enjoy their interaction over a bite to eat. We could all learn a lot from each other if given an understanding, empathetic situation to do so.
Just a thought. I appreciate the honesty shared through your journey and wish you the best.
Not a terrible idea, but it kind of misses the point.
Dando and Katyjane have basically captured it right. It is jarring to me that the ward and the missionaries would be so eager to let us drop off the radar. I know how the missionary work goes. I’ve been in PEC many times. I know what gets discussed.
All this talk about “the missionaries have better things to do than to bother with you” must be from some version of the parable of the lost sheep that I am unaware of, in which the shepherd, having lost one of his sheep, says “You know where to find the flock if you decide to come back, but in the meantime, I’ve got 99 other sheep I’ve got to take care of, and I just don’t have the time or resources to go looking for you, especially since it’s your own stupid fault for wandering off anyway.” Maybe that’s in the Joseph Smith Translation or something.
It’s not that I actually want to be fellowshipped back into the church. That’s not going to happen anyway. Instead these are the issues:
1) I was devoted to the Church for basically my entire life. I’m an endowed, sealed Melchezidek Priesthood holder with a wife and a child who is born under the covenant. It’s a little shocking to me that the ward and the missionaries don;t seem to care very much that I’ve “wandered off the straight and narrow.” It stings.
2) To me, this is just as damning as the rest of my problems with the Church. For all the extensive missionary program and ward infrastructure, I appear to have fallen through the cracks. That seems to show that the Church’s bloated and difficult bureaucracy just doesn’t work, despite the cries of how God is not a God of confusion and he wants his Church to be organized. Alternately, I haven’t fallen through the cracks but I have been let fall through the cracks, and nobody really cares. This is either simply contrary to the teachings of Jesus (c.f. the parable of the lost sheep) or it’s evidence of cultlike behavior (while I was in I was important; now that I have left I am shunned and ostracized and seen as the enemy).
In any case, it’s not how I would expect the true church, if such a thing existed, to behave.
It also makes all of the Bishop’s talk about how much they miss us in the ward seem so transparently fake.
Heh. The story with the missionaries at the BBQ was awkward. In the same situation, I think I’d be more upset with my friend that with the people he/she invited.
By the way, Dando,the girlfriend example made me laugh out loud. Nice.
I still don’t think I understand your frustration entirely, Kullervo. It seems like you have conflicting desires — on the one hand, to maintain contact with the missionaries/bishop, and on the other hand, to not be a part of the LDS Church. I guess I don’t understand why not being visited bothers you when you are quite certain their efforts would be in vain.
You’re right, of course, that people have a “duty” to visit you guys. And they apparently aren’t doing a very good job of it. Maybe I’m reluctant to condemn them because I know how crappy I am at that sort of thing. In fact, I’d be rather intimidated to visit a person who was smarter than me (as I believe you are) and had already signaled he would reject my invitation. I’m also disinclined to attribute it to bloated bureaucracy or cult-like behavior — I think it’s just hard to do what you’re “supposed to do” sometimes. Maybe you’re better at things like that than I am.
In the meantime, if you want someone to visit you, we should come visit. Just let me find time for the 10-hour drive. 🙂
I believe this is more common than you would think, Kullervo.
I too basically fell off the radar. I was a minor at the time, and had take to wearing pants and doing homework in sacrament meeting. I guess everyone assumed that my parents would try and re-activate me, so why bother? Or that I was a lost cause (which is also possible since I tried to cultivate that impression as well).
Especially with some of the stalking horror stories I have read, one might assume that some mormons won’t let people go. I think it just depends on the bishop and those particular ward members. So one could read those stories and think – hey, were those people more loved or wanted or righteous than I was?
And I don’t think it’s just a mormon thing – you could use any sort of group membership, political membership, some non profit groups, Amway, and it’s almost the same dynamic (IMO).
The truth of the matter is, I think it has to do with the mindframe of the missionaries or well meaning ward members – not how active a person was, not how important or vital that person was to the individual ward or LDS church as a whole. I hope this is a change where the LDS church is starting to recognize that people have legitimate reasons to leave and it’s okay to let them go without harrassing them.
I think it’s also very different depending on your geographic location. People outside of Utah, Idaho, Arizona, Alberta – especially in large metropolitan areas are just not as tracked as in other places (IMO). People move to different wards. Ward boundaries change. I would assume most of the people in some of these wards are inactive anyway (ie. 300 attend where 750 are on the records as being members).
Personally, I think it’s exactly how the “true church” would/should behave. Because a true church would be true all the time. It wouldn’t matter how many members it had or adherants. It wouldn’t matter if people decided they wanted to leave. It’s also very healthy in any group to let people come and go as they please. IMHO.
Peter-
Well, I’ll be open about the fact that I’m conflicted. I can’t imagine someone who was honest with themselves walking away from something like Mormonism and not feeling incredibly conflicted on many levels.
However, it isn’t so much that I want to have contact with the Bishop and/or missionaries. It just smarts that they’re not even trying.
Maybe you’re right, though, and I’m expecting normal people to be perfect. Shoot; I pretty much was always crappy at home teaching, so I can;t say i always reached out to everyone I was supposed to reach out to. And speaking of home teaching, our home teachers actually do call and/or come around every now and then. We’ve tried to make it clear that while we’re not really interested in coming back to church, they are more than welcome in our home.
But as a missionary, I know we at least made an effort to visit all of the less actives in our area, in every area I was in. Maybe the missionaries here just have more on their plates than we did.
It’s also possible that as far as missionary paperwork goes, we actually did fall through the cracks. We weren’t here very long when we stopped going to church, and I’m sure most of the ward has no idea who we are. The missionaries might not have any idea that we’re not just some family in the ward that they haven;t met yet, especially since it’s a decent-sized ward, and especially if there’s a lack of communication between the ward and the missionaries.
There’s also recently been a change in ward leadership, which can affect things too.
Still, Dando came closest with his girlfriend analogy. And it makes me wonder if people in the ward have just written us off as enemy apostates. I mean, people who get offended and don;t come to churhc, or people who struggle with the commandments, that’s one thing. But I’m not sure members know what to do with people who willingly leave because they think the Church isn’t actually true. There was some fiery rhetoric reserved for those people in the early Church…
Personally, I think it’s exactly how the “true church” would/should behave. Because a true church would be true all the time. It wouldn’t matter how many members it had or adherants. It wouldn’t matter if people decided they wanted to leave. It’s also very healthy in any group to let people come and go as they please. IMHO.
Well, you’re probably right about that, but not for the kind of “true church” that Mormonism claims to be.
As a never-been Mormon, your feelings make sense to me. A friend of mine who left Christianity and was incredibly hurt when close Christian friends chalked it up to him, “never really being saved.” I think you expressed similar feelings with the Mormon church elsewhere.
To me it sounds as though it’s not that you want contact and continued fellowship, you just want to feel that you mattered to them, and that your faith and change of faith is of importance.
I chuckled at your “Lost Sheep Paraphrase,” but I think that captures the disconnect you must feel perfectly.
Anyway, so for what it’s worth, I ‘get it’ a little bit. I would be hurt as well.
Thanks, beingmade.
Could there be a part of you that wants to explain to them why you left? Just so they know? Not so much a ‘closure’… but to clear the air for yourself.
Maybe this is selfish, but if I was your home teacher and you hypothetically told me that you didn’t want to be contacted, I’d be relieved that there was one reason to spend less time with my family. I’m not the kind of person to stalk you until you come back to church. Official representatives of the True Church should prioritize their time with those who will accept help. Time is a limited resource even in the True Church.
On the other hand, it would be insulting when people who you thought were you friends (who the church didn’t assign to be your friends) let your friendship die. Then again, the church probably keeps them too busy to socialize much with those outside the church.
When I asked to be released from my calling (as counselor in the primary presidency) in a note to my bishop, I also included the words that I didn’t want my family to be put on his List of Inactives to Contact. The ward auxiliary members met each third Thursday of the month to split up in groups of twos to visit the inactives, bring a treat, approach the primary kids to invite them to come to primary activities or be baptized, and return afterward to have a meeting and talk about each family. I told the bishop what I felt about that kind of behavior: it’s intrusive and rude.
However, I did say that I would have no problem if any of my existing friends in the church kept in contact on a friendship basis. Instead of any friends coming forward (besides the other counselor and the primary president I worked with) I got some funky letters by…..wait for it……my ward clerk. I had only ever talked to him once before that I could recall, and that was only to ask him to print out new attendance rolls for the primary classes. I shared his letter here: http://sistermarylisa.blogspot.com/2006/09/i-hate-it-when-youre-right.html
Next his wife called me. Wow. http://sistermarylisa.blogspot.com/2006/10/if-letter-doesnt-work.html
Then, I got yet another letter in the mail from Mr. Ward Clerk, a rambling, insane letter that really blew me away with its strangeness: http://sistermarylisa.blogspot.com/2006/10/hes-ba-aaaack.html
So…Kullervo, maybe it’s OK that you never got approached. I never did reply to the ward clerk. There was really nothing to say. SO STRANGE. My bishop only called me once, a day or two after he got my note that didn’t explain why I left, I just wanted to be released. He said, “This is the bishop. I just wanted you to know that I’m here if you’d like to talk.” or something like it. I was pleased he respected my wishes enough to not press it.
I can fully understand what you’re feeling, though, Kullervo. Sadly, I think that real, true, loving kindness at church is not as prevalent as the church would like to believe. It’s simply not fostered. I am much more accepting of others and their differences and positive qualities now that I’m out, and not constantly focused on God’s Plan For Me and how I need to focus on me and my life and my kids and never-Mo husband in order to not screw up my eternal goals and reward.
hey Kullervo, It’s been a while since I’ve stopped by your blog.
I wanted to comment on this from your comment. As both a missionary and a member of a bishopric, I have had to deal with members who “do not want contact” or have left the church. Unless I felt the Spirit whisper to me that I needed to change that with a particular member, I left them to their desires. If they really did not want contact, why should I bother with them? That sounds really harsh and all, but that’s life. I have only 24 hours a day to take care of all my responsibilities. I don’t have the time to bother with those who don’t wish to be bothered, frankly. Unless the Spirit tells me to do something.
I went through a period in my life where I hated going to church, and hated dealing with members. I still went to church because I just could not get past what I knew, that the Book of Mormon was true and that Joseph Smith was indeed a prophet. Those two stubborn facts made me go through some hellish times. I didn’t have home teachers, a calling, and I know I must have added some gray hairs to my bishop at the time. I know he didn’t do anything as close to as what I wanted him to. I learned there that in our world, support goes both ways. It isn’t a matter of perfection, but of reality. We just don’t have the time or energy to spend on problems that will not have a profitable outcome.
The Lord does, however. And this is where I found the Lord so amazing. He stuck with me through my hellish moments, including getting closer than I anticipated at taking my own life.
Expectations are a fascinating thing. Do we really expect members to be what we want them to be, or can we expect them to be who they are? I do not expect any member of the church to be there for me in my time of need. I do not expect anybody on the planet to be there for me in my time of need. That I have learned from hard experience. If members do the extra step, then hey great. That’s wonderful. Life is easier. But I do not expect them to care about me. Doing so only brings about disappointment.
I never told anyone I did not want contact. I also have not formally left the Church (i.e. resigned my membership), or told anyone in the ward of my intent to do so. As far as anyone in our ward knows, we’ve just gone inactive.
Kullervo,
I got that impression from this line:
Secondly, I did say both members who left the church and those who wished no contact.
Kullervo,
What does the Bishop know about your situation?
Hi Kullervo! I just dropped by for the first time today. Having never been inactive really, I can’t directly relate. But I have felt isolation and loneliness while going to church and not really even having anyone say hi. I felt like just another drop in the ever expanding bucket. It sucked.
In my last calling, I made it my business to meet every single sister on my roster. Did it cost a minor fortune as gas prices continually rose? Did it take time, and effort as I schlepped an infant with me everywhere from one edge of the ward to the other? Was it worth it for them? I don’t know. No one came back into activity because of it. I’m not even sure that it remotely made a difference. I’d hope it did, but I think I’m lying to myself a little there. I know that I grew in the process.
Now that I’m working full time though, I know I don’t have the resources to go out and meet everyone anymore. I simply don’t have enough time for my own schoolwork, work, family, and other obligations to go out. Visiting teaching is a stretch some months. Does that sound less than ideal? Sure.
Do I have time right now online to let you know that someone, albeit one not of your official ward but of the same fold, is concerned for you? Sure. And I genuinely am. I hope that you find the happiness and joy that you are looking for.
I’m not going to split hairs with you, Daniel.
Kullervo,
I think what is happening to you is that you are coming to the realization that friendship and concern in the church is different than you’ll find outside the church. Of course, there are exceptions to this, but it’s all too obvious. The church keeps its membership so busy with callings, home teaching, visiting teaching, expectations of weekly family home evening, meetings, more meetings, and even more meetings, that really it is difficult for people to make time to dedicate to friends who are suddenly not showing up at church anymore.
I left the church and suddenly my weekly migraine headaches I had every Saturday (preparing for Primary stuff) and Sunday disappeared. I still get migraines but they are hormonal now, and not situational every single weekend. I never realized how much work I was doing until I chose to let it go. Wow, what a difference in quality of life.
Now, an active Mormon will read this and think how selfish that is that I’m being lazy by not serving others. Not so, my friends. It’s actually served to expand my loving kindness toward others. I feel better, am happpier, and more free to actually serve people who need me. I am doing so not because I’ve been given an assignment, but rather because I see they need some help, and I am happy to offer it. I am there for my family more too, since I don’t have to dedicate my limited family time to preparing sharing time lessons, sitting in presidency meetings, and jumping through all the hoops.
I too was shocked by how those I thought were my friends never contacted me once I left. The only ones who contact me at all are the two women in the primary presidency I worked with as I left the church. The other counselor became Relief Society president the same week they released me officially over the pulpit, so I sometimes wonder how much her emails to me are from friendship or a sense of duty as RS pres. I like her, so I will give her friendship the benefit of the doubt, but since I know how the church works, I do question it slightly. Oh well.
It is kind of shocking to recognize how very little any of my other “friends” cared, since I haven’t heard one peep from any of them. Very interesting and telling, I think. So much for being their “sister.”
🙂 sml
Maybe God’s got some kind of plan going on here. 🙂
I got that impression from this line:
Maybe I was too aggressive or forceful about it, and they wrote “wants no contact” in their area book.
Secondly, I did say both members who left the church and those who wished no contact.
…
Daniel, you should probably stop posting replies to things that you don’t read all the way or have the ability to understand.
Kullervo is saying that maybe (as an explanatory hypothesis), the Missionaries overreacted to his comment that they weren’t going to be easy to “win back to the church” and that likely it would be a waste of the Elders’ time as a result. If the Elders, in a cowardly overreaction, wrote “does not want to be visited” in the area book, it was their own unfortunate invention. However, it *would* explain their absence. *Why* it would explain their absence (as in, why Missionaries would not visit people who were quoted as having said “please don’t visit”) was not exactly a mystery to Kullervo or anyone else, but would certainly be an example of bureaucracy before the spirit.
I know that on my mission, many people told me that they were afraid they were a “waste of my time”. I would still visit/ interact with them unless they asked not to be visited again (or exhibited behavior that said as much without being explicit– in which case, I would still verbally confirm that that’s what they actually meant). Why?
1) It usually wasn’t a “waste of out time” in the sense that we had better things to do. Average baptism per first contact, statistically, is one in a thousand. Average contact (ie first conversation) per door knock was about 1 on 50; in rural Japan, that would have taken all day, so it would have, statistically, taken 3 years to get one door-knocking baptism. Most missionaries, except in some areas of the world or some especially”exciting” portion of the mission, have more spare time than appointments. That was always the case in my mission. Of course, meeting with the same angry inactive twice a week for 3 months *would* have been a waste of time. But to never even give him a couple hours and assess the reality of his “time-waster” claim certainly would, as Kullervo observed, fly in the face of the parable of the lost sheep.
2) I found that, in general, people needed to know that they were worth wasting time on– that the missionaries cared more about them than their blue time-planning cards– before they were willing to really open up.
3) Though it’s nice to imagine that the spirit guides every waking second of the missionaries’ lived, it’s completely retarded to *assume* that the elders in question were prompted not to visit Kullervo. That’s just being superstitious and attributing every possible thing to your worldview, which is worth a headcheck. Why not visit Kullervo? He’s not mean, even though he’s opinionated; and if what they teach you at the MTC is true, it may the the right missionary that makes a difference, for a unique reason (as opposed to the missionary training making the difference, which Kullervo is understandably skeptical of). If the church is true, I know that I could certainly be talked back into it; my defection was based on a sincere belief that it wasn’t true, and a desire to find the “real” truth. The sincerity of the desire has not changed. That can hardly be called “hardening the heart”.
Well said, Racticas.
Update: My friend from church who had been my visiting teacher at the time I quit going finally talked to me last night about it. She said she was hurt I hadn’t come to her and discussed my issues as a friend. She was mad for a tiny bit of time (her words) that she had to instead find out when the RS President told her that I wanted no contact from visiting teachers again.
What the RS Pres failed to mention was that I said I’d welcome any contact from my existing friends at church, but didn’t wish to be listed on the ward list of inactives to visit.
Anyhow, we enjoyed a long 2+ hour discussion of my issues with the truthfulness of the church last night. It was great. I assured her that I didn’t mention it to her because after mentioning one little issue to a friend at church, (Brigham Young prophesying that Adam was in fact God the Father, yet S.W. Kimball discounted all Adam/God theories as false doctrine), she immediately told that same RS Pres (also a friend to me) who, rather than calling or emailing me, went to the Bishop or HPGL, because a day later, I got a nice little letter in the mail from the High Priest Group Leader, that mentioned Satan nine times. He admonished me to stop listening to the voices in my head. “Say – ‘Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!’ all the day long.” I was slightly wary after that to mention anything to any actual friends after that.
Anyway, there is hope, Kullervo. I have maintained a friendship I figured was basically lost to me. That’s always a good thing, no?
Racticas,
I can’t explain why the missionaries in Kullervo’s area don’t visit him. I know on my mission I made it my goal to see or contact every single member on the branch list, regardless of what previous missionaries thought about this or that individual. Frankly, the missionaries in Kullervo’s area have no good excuse for not visiting him.
As far as the members of his ward, well, see I’m taking my comments on here from the perspective of someone reading his blog, and not someone in his ward who apparently is ignorant of Kullervo’s real feelings. On this blog, Kullervo has basically written off the Mormon church, so forgive me for thinking that he would rather want to be on a “do not contact” list. Were I his bishop, yeah, I would wonder why I haven’t been seeing him at church lately and would most definitely pay him and his wife a visit.
But if I were in Kullervo’s position, I would not expect contact from anybody for the reasons I stated.
Daniel,
What if you were in Kullervo’s wife’s position? Why doesn’t anyone contact me? I have been nothing but friendly towards the Church and Church members. I was offered a calling, told to think about it… and then never contacted again.