In many ways, I’m standing at a crossroads, spiritually. I have some ideas about what I think real Christianity is all about, what God wants from me, what I think is important, and what I want from God. I also see several clear paths I could go down, each of which has definite strengths and weaknesses in relation to what I want and what I think God wants, meaning that they all lead somewhere probably pretty good, but I don’t think any of them really leads where I want to go, where I will find Jesus Christ.
I have said in previous posts that I have a hard time really articulating some of these issues because they are in many ways abstract and sometimes ill-defined. It’s not that I have a clear picture in my head that I can’t put words to so much as it is that I have a vague, fuzzy half-picture in my head that if I tried to define it in words, I’d probably get it wrong. Sometimes when I’m talking about religion, faith, and spirituality, I feel more than a little like J. Alfred Prufrock.
Anyway, in the next four posts, I’m going to try to describe the four paths I see, as I see them, and to explain why I simultaneously want to go down each but also fear that none of them leads where I think I will truly encounter Jesus Christ. The four paths are Evangelical Protestantism, Roman Catholicism, Eastern Orthodoxy, and Anglicanism.
Also a little warning- like I said in past posts, I’m feeling a bit vulnerable right now and I want to be able to express myself without having to defend myself. I’m interested in comments and feedback, but I imagine I’m going to be a little quicker than usual to delete comments if I feel they are hostile or overly critical. Just a fair warning.
Sailing to Byzantium 
Since you’re being so vague 🙂 it’s hard to tell if this suggestion is appropriate, but I’ll throw it out there anyway: have you taken a good look into Christian mysticism?
Good mysticism is skeptical. It doesn’t say “trust me”. Instead, it says “come experience and judge for yourself”. It has practical methods to reach mystical experience, not Mormonism’s vague concept of “study, ponder, and pray”. At the same time, mysticism goes beyond intellectual knowledge to pure experience.
Reading through your mysticism tag, I get the impression that you’ve dabbled, but haven’t become really acquainted with full-blooded mysticism. For example, the hanged man is a Christ figure, representing an enlightened consciousness, sacrifice, resurrection, contravention of common wisdom, initiation into the mysteries, etc. Tarot has a much deeper symbolism than what new-agey divination books suggest.
Anyway, I don’t know why exactly I’m suggesting this. I guess I just keep getting the impression that you’re looking for things that real, practical mysticism offers. Not to confuse the issue or anything. 😉
Don’t delete my comments! I’ll bite you if you do! 😛
Jonathan- watch this space, because mysticism is one of the topics I plan on addressing in this series of posts.
Katyjane- please don’t bite me! Actually, that might be kind of fun… 😉
Get a room you two!
Oh wait, you have a room.
😉