I believe in the Hellenic gods. I have personally experienced their presence and their effect on my life. I think that worshipping an honoring them in a traditional way makes sense. I pray to Zeus, to Hermes, to Ares, to Aphrodite, to Hera, Athena, Dionysus, Artemis, Hestia and the other Olympians. And I believe that I should also be finding ways to honor Pan, the nymphs, and the other immediate, present land-spirits. I think that Euripides’s The Bacchae is one of the most intense, meaningful, and wise pieces of literature ever composed. I believe that classical ethics and the Golden Mean remain–as they always have been–the best and most reliable guide for human behavior.
I have a strong pull towards personal mysticism and inner work: I have a strong desire to explore the landscape of the unconscious. I think there is immense truth to the work of Jung. Somehow, rock and roll, Dionysus, the Holy Grail, Jim Morrison, and snakes are all tied up in this. And probably tarot, too. I believe that there is something to be accomplished, some Great Work, some journey. A journey outward into the literal Wilderness that is also a journey inward into the Wilderness of the human psyche. There’s something there that wants to be discovered.
I believe that the Bhagavad-Gita and the Upanishads, taken together, are an unsurpassed work of spiritual genius. Reading them is like drinking light and wisdom. I think that the philosophy of Vedanta comes the closest of any human philosophy to explaining the universe as we are situated in it. If there is such thing as enlightenment–and I have to believe that there is–then the path outlined in the Gita has to be the way to find it.
So what does that add up to? I don’t cast spells, or do any magic(k), or even really believe that other people who claim to are actually doing anything. I don’t celebrate the wheel of the year. I’ve tried, and it just didn’t click like I thought it was going to–it always seems like it should be relevant and emaningful and important to me but I never am able to make it be anything other than awkward and ill-fitting, like an outfit that looked great on the mannequin but just fits me terribly. I think. Or maybe I was somehow doing it wrong. I don’t believe in assembling a homemade pantheon of gods that I “work with.” I don’t think “working with” gods is a very good term at all, if nothing else because it fundamentally misunderstands our relationship to them and in a terrible act of hubris tries to convert them into tools for our use. I do divinations with tarot–and have often had uncanny insights–but sometimes I think the randomness of drawing cards causes me to miss the power and symbolism that the tarot has as a whole and in all of its parts. I believe in right and wrong, but I don’t believe that we need salvation from sin. I’m not sure if I believe in literal reincarnation, or literal life after death (I don’t deny either one: I just don’t know). I’m inclined to agree on a philosophical level with the revival Druids, but when it comes down to specifics, none of what they do really reaches out and grabs me. I’m not an ecofeminist. I’m not a pacifist. I’m not politically very liberal.
I don’t feel much in common with most people who get included in the boader umbrella of “paganism” or neo-paganism; I don’t even think that the broader umbrella is a meaningful category because it includes too many things that have nothing in common other than being-clumped-together-into-the-category. I’m not a Christian, but I have no fundamental problem with or hostility against Christianity.
So what, then? What am I? How do these pieces fit together? How do I move forward, given all of this? What’s the next step for me, spiritually? Who am I and what does this all mean? What does it mean for me as a father, a husband, a lawyer, a brother, a human being? How do I keep myself from getting pulled away into tangents and driven off-course and away from things I hold sacred by the countless diversions and slippery slopes and spectra of meaning and practice that all of these disparate threads seem to be tied to?
Sailing to Byzantium 
PS, I hate the fact that I’m starting to sound all whiny and wishy-washy again. Gah.
Hi there, I was wondering a couple of things. firstly have you seen Clash of the Titans yet and if so what’s your take on the spirituality expressed there? I studied Latin and had a passionate interest in the stories of Greek gods when I was a child and I found the film a bit bemusing frankly. Felt like Hollywood, not content with remaking history in its own image (see Pochohontas, Band of Brothers etc) was now remaking religion in its own image too. (nb I don’t share your beliefs a you’ll see from my blog – just interested as I was going to write about the film on my blog what your take was).
Secondly, how does your experience of the gods relate to the capricious, unpredictable and careless and hardened experience of the Greeks and Romans as they talk about it in their literature?
Cheers!
Katie
Not to minimize the importance of the questions you’re asking – because they are important questions and pursuing them can lead to some interesting insights* – but maybe the the name of your religion is just “religion.” People get so caught up in labels and semantics and identity politics that they forget it’s really all about the gods, or at least should be. (Not that I think you’re in danger of that, but it is something that so many get caught up in: you, however, sound to me like you’re on the right track. The way I know is because your path is challenging and nudging you out of the comfort zone. That’s when things get really interesting.)
Anyway, thanks for sharing. I commend your openness, integrity, and courage! May Dionysos guide you!
* Though I think the journey is more important than the destination. Questions have always interested me more than answers.
Katie,
I haven’t seen it yet–it’s not easy to get out to the movie theater when you work in BigLaw and have two small kids at home.
Hollywood putting its own spin on things–even religious topics–is nothing new. Hollywood has been making bad movies about history, religion, and mythology for the better part of a century (this isn’t even the first time they’ve done Clash of the Titans ). So I just don’t worry about it. I’m more than willing to judge a movie on its own merits. Faithfulness to source material aside, is the movie awesome or not? We’ll see. I’ve heard different things from different people.
Furthermore, the ancient myths aren’t like the Bible is to Christians. Most of the myths have different, contradictory versions that grew and evolved in different locations. That’s not to say that every interpretation of a myth is valid, just that the myths are living stories, and you can’t discard one outright because it doesn’t match perfectly to the version you know best. You have to judge it on its own merits, and ask yourself what insight a given version gives you about the gods and humanity.
Well, again, keep in mind that the myths are not like the Bible. The literature of the ancient Greeks and Romans is not our only source for information about how they thought about the gods. Most of the myths about Hera, for example, portray her as jealous, shrewish, and unreasonable. I’m not willing to just discard that perspective, but when we look outside of the four corners of the literature and see the evidence for how Hera was worshipped, we see a much more complete picture of her.
Is Hera jealous? Yes, of course she is. But is that all there is to Hera? Not a chance.
Sannion, you are right in that the question of “what is the label for my religion” is at best a proxy for the real question and at worst a serious distractor. The real question is something more like “I have my hands full of these different pieces of spirituality; what do I do with all of it? How do I make a spiritual life for myself that is coherent, meaningful, and fulfilling?”
I’d have to say that although the special effects are awesome the storyline has some pretty fundamental things in that distracted me because of my background knowledge – like the relationship between Hades and Zeus (I won’t spoil it in case you decide to go!) so I kept “coming out” of the narrative. My husband enjoyed it though! It’s very swashbuckling.
Ps I was really more curious about your personal experience of the gods as you mention above ie of their personalities in relation to you. Not sure if that is something you want to describe here.
Oh, okay. I’m happy to describe it here, and to some extent I already have.
https://byzantium.wordpress.com/2009/04/01/development-of-polytheistic-belief-a-brief-history/
https://byzantium.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/i-do-not-underestimate-artemis/
https://byzantium.wordpress.com/2009/07/30/god-is-a-woman/
https://byzantium.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/hera-the-mother/
https://byzantium.wordpress.com/2010/03/23/in-praise-of-ares/
This is the kind of thing I intend to keep on posting, especially given recent encouragement from some of this blog’s readers.
My first thoughts reading this were essentially what thehouseofvines mentioned. You are Kullervo, and you practice your Spiritual Path.
It’s semantics that I dislike the term Religion when describing a Spiritual Path, but it fits, as you seem to be asking the question. (In my mind religion is the trappings and ritual community, while Spirituality is the personal relationship with the Divine).
You are a Kullervoist. 🙂
As for where to go from here, I am a firm believer in on-going Growth. merely asking the questions means you are mindful of them, and the slopes and pitfalls (and blessings) that your current Path may contain. Like a perennial flower may be at once sprout and seed, leaf and litter, so too do our personal Paths change and grow. What works for you now seems to be working, and continued practice and exploration of the topic will grant further insights over time, or a solidity that what works Now still works. 🙂
One thing that I really like about polytheism is that we are not locked into one single story. We have the opportunity, responsibility even, to forge our way ahead, to make our own story. There are easy ways to go, following carefully delineated lines of initiations and progression. There are more difficult ways, such as the one you describe in this entry (and my own, but that’s a story for another place).
What do you do with all of it? It’s not to be done with, it’s to be done. Experience the qualities of those aspects of your path. Learn from them and embody the virtues of them. Live life, do what you need to do.
As an aside, your paragraph on mysticism is pretty close to some systems of internal magic, so from some perspectives one could say that you do practice a form of magic. It’s a matter of definitions, though, so what you call it is up to you.
Ain’t that the truth. I’ve sort of felt like that’s been my problem all along. Too much thinking, not enough doing.
I’d be interested in knowing where you stand today, 3 years later.
I’ve thrown myself into the religious traditions of my ancestors that were lost to Christianity many centuries ago– all personal and secluded in practice, though. The stigma of paganism in today’s world is too much to bear for me, personally.
Your comments on transcendental Hinduism are right-on. I think everything that I continue to understand is ultimately placed within the framework of Brahman, the unconditional and unifying reality of all. It’s a complicated spiritual state to be in, because so much of Indian philosophy and spirituality is wholly inaccessible to Westerners– references, language, culture all so radically different from anything I’ve experienced, growing up in America– I have literally zero points-of-reference to contextualize my understanding. This is primarily why I’ve adopted some core concepts of their beliefs that I personally know to be Truth, and turned to a cultural system of paganism (like yourself) to satisfy my need for a relationship with the divine. No matter how hard I’ve tried, simply believing in Vedantic philosophy is not enough. It must be supplemented and fostered by engaged cultivation of yourself, and direct communion with the other-worldly.
So, I cultivate myself in this life, trying to transcend material boundaries of my mind and Soul in preparation for the next step of my journey after I leave this Earth. Again, I’d love to hear where you find yourself on your journey today!
A good question!
You are a Christian now? How did this come about? I wasn’t raised in the faith, but have tried many times to come around to it.
I’ve tried, but really cannot get past the inherent essentialist quality of Christianity. The whole, “It’s this and everything else is wrong and/or evil,” theistic mindset has been the primary cause of so many ills of this world, specifically by hands that acted in the name of Christ or other hard-line monotheists.
It’s hard to mesh my spiritual understanding (inspired by the non-essentialism of the Hindus) of, “The divine expresses itself to different people in different ways in order to best facilitate growth and understanding,” with the adopted dogma of, “There is no way to Heaven but through me.” I mean, even the Latter Day Saints baptizing deceased Jews (like Elie Wiesel) against their will is a harsh expression of this essentialist mindset.
I’m by no means “anti-Christian” or anything like that. I think the faith has so, so much transcendent beauty to it. Unfortunately, so little of that is associated with the history & practice of Christianity.