So, I thought I was going to be sent to Iraq with my National Guard unit this month. Turns out it’s not happening. If you have any experience with the military, you know how things can change at the last minute. Anyway, I mentioned in an older post that I was reluctant to make any big decisions because of the upcoming mysterious, major life-changing event, and that’s what it was. Now it isn’t happening. So life goes on, and I no longer have an excuse for resting on my laurels. But what do I do now?
We haven’t been going to church for awhile, and I have long stopped praying (since it started to seem mechanical and pointless). Do I start again? Do I give Christianity another go? If so, what kind? Back to Cedar Ridge? Back to Grace Episcopal? Just be a Christian on my own and don’t worry about church? What does becoming a Christian even mean? What does one do? Becoming Mormon is a fairly regimented process: you take the missionary discussions, you read the Book of Mormon, you pray to know if it’s true (and get Your Testimony), you attend church meetings, you commit to live the Word of Wisdom and the Law of Chastity, you get baptized, you get confirmed, you get the priesthood, you go to the temple, you get callings, and you endure to the end. It’s all extremely structured. I know how to become Mormon. But I don’t know how you become Christian. At what point do you become Christian? What’s the right motivation for becoming Christian? What does “being Christian” look like?
Do I even want to be Christian? Right now, the answer feels like no. Especially since Christmas is over.
Do I start a candidate year with the Ancient Order of Druids in America? Do I want to? Do I really want Druidry as a belief system? Is it all just New Age flakery? Do I want my whole life to be Celtic-y? Do I always want to be thinking about ancient times and yearning for the forest? Not really. After I’m done with law school we’re moving back to New York, where we’ll probably stay. I like the woods and nature, but I also love the city. I feel compelled to be environmentally conscious and take care of the earth, but I actually think in many ways urban living is the best way to do that (it’s certainly more sustainable than suburban living).
There are a lot of things about Druidry that I find very appealing, but do I want to color my whole life with that crayon? The answer feels like no?
Do I abandon the journey and just get on with life without God and without religion? I’ve been sailing for awhile and it doesn’t seem like Byzantium is anywhere in sight. I’m kind of getting tired of looking for it. My main roadblock is clear (I was nervous about making any hasty decisions with such a major punctuation mark on the horizon), so what do I do? Hinduism? The Qur’an? What?
Sailing to Byzantium 