Public Service Announcement: Polygamy Jesus vs. Metal Gods

Tonight, while Katie L., Ms. Jack, and my beautiful and sexy wife Katyjane all gather to cause extreme trouble at my house in Chicago, I will not be there.

Instead, I will be rocking the fuck out at the encore showing of The Big Four from Sonisphere, Bulgaria. Anthrax, Megadeth, Metallica and Slayer–the Big Four of thrash metal–all performing on the same stage for the first time ever. They’re not doing any US shows, but they did show it in theaters here on Tuesday, and they’re showing it again tonight.

So while epic polygamy Jesus assassin wife history is being made at my house, I will instead be witnessing epic metal history.

In all seriousness, hard rock and heavy metal are spiritually significant to me. Want to feel the sublime essence of Dionysus? Go to a metal show and get lost in that energy. It’s awesome.

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A God Has Died

Ronnie James Dio, a heavy metal legend, died today of stomach cancer. The world will be a worse place without him. If there is a rock and roll heaven, he will definitely be there.

I was just talking to my brother about how Pete Steele from Type O Negative had just died, and i was thinking about Ronnie and the picture of him I saw in Revolver from the Golden Gods awards–he did not look good. I thought to myself “how much longer before I’m talking about how Dio is dead too?” And as soon as I got off the phone I checked my feed reader and saw the news. It hit me hard.

I’m glad I got to see him live with Heaven & Hell last fall; it was an amazing show. And I’m glad he was able to record an album with those guys again before he died. The Devil You Know is an amazing record and a fitting last testament: Ronnie James Dio in top form, just doing what he always did best.

Thamus, are you there? When you reach Palodes, take care to proclaim that the great god Pan is dead.

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Playlist: My Favorite Songs, Ever

“Walk The Line” – Johnny Cash
“All Along The Watchtower” – Jimi Hendrix Experience
“L.A. Woman” – The Doors
“As Time Goes By” – Jimmy Durante
“Take On Me” – A-Ha
“Holy Diver” – Dio
“Stairway To Heaven” – Led Zeppelin
“The Number Of The Beast” – Iron Maiden
“Love Will Tear Us Apart” – Joy Division
“Wish You Were Here” – Pink Floyd
“Have You Ever Seen The Rain” – Creedence Clearwater Revival
“Let It Be” – The Beatles
“A Few Hours After This” – The Cure
“Battle Against Time” – Wintersun

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Awesome Evil Music Video

So, a rule of thumb might be that if you’re just about to go to heaven and you accidentally read an evil black book that casts you down to hell and there’s this terrible evil tower that reaches maybe almost back up to heaven but not quite, and you get up to the top by mostly pure luck, you probably shouldn’t rely on said evil book to get you the last little bit.

Because it won’t work.  It will trick you and you will turn into a demon or something.  Of course, if you wanted to become a demon, then by all means, go ahead.  That’s really the moral of the story here.  The other moral of the story is that Ronnie James Dio is fucking awesome.

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